Swollen Pickles

Why is Queen of the Nerds disgruntled? She resents the Queen of the Nerds label and has requested a more accurate/appropriate pseudonym. She argues that Queen of the Nerds is a "completely inaccurate pseudonym", as it "would imply that I [she] am [is] the ultimate nerd of the household". Reading between the lines, it appears she is of the opinion that both Bean Bag Boy and I are both higher degree nerds than she is. Taking all of this on board, I am therefore accepting submissions for a more accurate, and in no way misleading, nickname/pseudonym for the person formally recognised as Queen of the Nerds.

To assist in this task I can provide the following details. She does not:

• watch Battlestar Galactica;
• eat take away fast food like KFC ("nerd food" as described by her);
• have a wireless connection for her laptop; and
• have a Playstation 2 addiction.

She does however have a large collection of non-fiction books which mostly relate to spiritual hippy stuff. She also has a black belt in yoga.

I am considering placing the best pseudonym on a t-shirt for her Christmas present? I am seeking the help of the wider nerd community here. HELP!... speaking of help, today's tenuous link: rehabs.

Last night, jamming on the guitar, eyes closed almost felt famous. Almost. I opened my eyes again, and I was still in my frickin bedroom. Not cool, not cool at all. I came up with a solution.

I need to get a rock stars eye view of what it looks like to be standing in front of a 15,000 strong crowd, take the image, and then get it plastered on my wall. Finding the right image is one thing, but how would I get it onto my damn wall? Well, there's a company called Wallhogs, that will basically do it all for me. They'll produce an image up to 7 foot tall onto semi adhesive vinyl that you can then stick to your wall. In theory, I could stick anything to my wall, all I'd have to do is find the right picture and upload it to their site and then order from them. Maybe they could hook me up with a life size Keira Knightley for my room? Actually being the bastard that I am, I think I'd get a life like image of an open door, stick it to my wall and watch people walk into it.

Now, I only need to convince my landlord that it's a good idea for me to start sticking stuff to the walls of my place...

Yesterday, Naomi Robson announced that she was resigning from her post as anchor of Today Tonight. It was a dark day for entertainment and television.

It's been a big year for Naomi Robson. There was the cannibal story and her deportation from Papua. Allegations of her demands for a special hair and make up van during the coverage of the Beaconsfield Mine cave in. Then there is Naomi's own choice for her biggest gaffe of 2006. Described by Naomi herself as, possibly her biggest mistake in her ten year career as host of Today Tonight, was her wardrobe choice whilst covering the story of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin's passing. According to her, donning a khaki shirt and lizard on her shoulder on air was not her choice.

Personally, my favourite moments are the ones posted on YouTube. I've posted the best of/greatest hits package on here before, but I think given the circumstances, it is a good time to re-live some classic Naomi moments. Consider this a Naomi Robson tribute, the world of current affairs will never be the same again. Naomi, we salute you.

Do people often tell you that your living in a fantasy land? If the answer is yes, then Fantasy Football is probably for you. By football, I'm not talking Aussie rules. This is American style NFL stuff. Granted, I know nothing about NFL, besides what I've picked up from watching Jerry Maguire, so chances are I will suck at Fantasy Football, but looking at the potential prize money on offer it could be worth a shot. If your a sports nerd it's worth looking into. It's almost the Dungeons and Dragons of sports if you ask me, although it is missing a 12 sided die. Last year they had over 600 teams enter, this year the owners of the site are projecting that figure to triple. Fantasy land has never been more popular!

Since I don't know the difference between running backs, wide receivers, or tight ends (do those terms sound vaguely sexual to anyone or is it just me?) I'm going to have to hand over this opportunity to someone that knows what they are doing. If you sign up, good luck to you. If you win, remember who hooked you up and send me some green!

The big sports news in the past week or so has been Ian Thorpe's retirement from swimming. Undoubtedly one of the greatest swimmers and sportsmen Australia has produced, the Thorpedo dominating his sport, breaking world records and winning gold medals. For that he'll always be remembered as one of the greats. Unfortunately, he does have one blemish on his permanent record.

That blemish is 'Undercover Angels'. Hitting Australian TV in 2002, 'Undercover Angels' was a shambolic, short lived (11 episodes apparently), reality TV series that ripped off 'Charlies Angels'. The Thorpedo played 'Charlie' to three D Grade female celebs, who he sent out to do good deeds (eg. redecorating a house). Sydney Morning Herald television critic Ruth Ritchie declaring it "the worst show in the history of the world". 'Undercover Angels' even spawned a spew worthy soundtrack, which can probably be picked up for $1.99 from the JB Hi-Fi bargain bin today.

So whilst all the headlines and news stories focus on the Thorpedo's world domination of swimming, media outlets seem to have chosen to sweep his past indiscretion under the rug. Shame shame shame. I will not forget 'Undercover Angels', and neither should you. Speaking of headlines, it seems that the Cairns Post has put a different spin on the Thorpedo's retirement. For some reason, I find this headline absolutely hilarious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably not how I would prefer to be remembered, but anyway...

Ever felt that it was time you gave something back to the universe? Maybe then it's time for you to adopt an alien. There's a company selling aliens, well test tubes holding white powder that grows into an alien. They have computer chip brains, heart beats and can apparently communicates with its homeworld's website. Beats the hell out of sea monkeys! These aliens eat something called 'Sloog'. Sounds disgusting.

If you think your ready to take on the responsibility of raising your very own alien head over to alien adoption world, for all your alien needs. (more...)

I grew a year older on the weekend. Scary stuff, I'm concerned that it may mean I need to grow up. I'm hoping it doesn't need to come to that though.

It's common knowledge that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And they're like, it's better than yours, damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. Peter Griffin's milkshake also brings all the boys to the yard. Don't believe me? Check out this video.