Swollen Pickles

Well, I think I've almost successfully implemented the new Swollen Pickles theme. I'm sure there are a few kinks that need to be ironed out of the next couple of days, but fingers crossed, I think I'm fairly close. If you spot any bugs please let me know, and if you also know how to fix them, I'd appreciate it if you could give me some tips as well.

One thing I have noticed is that it looks how it is intended to when viewed in Firefox, however, in IE7 it has a couple of issues. For example the footer formating in terms of the font size and style changes in IE for some strange reason. Hopefully I can figure that one out! In any case, I use FireFox 99% of the time, so if you don't like the way this looks in IE, download FireFox, I'm sure you'll like it a whole lot better!

The themes front page, magazine style layout is largely from the Visionary Theme, which I quite like. Using that as the base I went ahead and modified the hell out of it to incorporate some of the other elements I like. The massive footer is one of these things, plus a semi-rotating sidebar. I made use of a few different plugins, like Popularity Contest and Rate My Posts, and incorporated the output of these into the theme to display the top 3 posts of all time etc.

With the year fast drawing to a close, I thought it might be time to sit back and reflect on what a year it has been. In other words, I'm about to run through the top 10 most popular posts on Swollen Pickles for 2007. By popular, I'm talking about the most visited posts as recorded by Google Analytics for 2007. So, here is the countdown, from 10 to 1.

Number 10: Deadpool is the forgotten superhero

Way back in March of this year I developed quite the "graphic novel" addiction. Deadpool was, and still is a personal favorite. This post was a tribute to Deadpool: The Forgotten Superhero. Personally, I'm suprised that so many people continue to visit this one.

Number 9: Turning up the heat on the bandwidth thief

August/September of 2007 saw me engaged in a running battle with a dodgy bandwidth thief. I was irritated so I took so anti-theft measures. I'm guessing the image of the massive set of bulls balls is what still appeals to most people.

Number 8:  The original 300 script

Not sure why this one has proven so popular. For the most part, 300 was a fairly crap movie. Maybe people are searching for some answers? Maybe they are thinking the "original" script had to have been better? Like the movie, this post was just one big bad joke.

Number 7: Old school advertising full of innuendo

It's no secret that I have a bit of a fascination with ye olde advertising. When you look at it now, it seems so chock full of smutty innuendo. Perhaps that says more about me?

Number 6: Hot picture of Paris Hilton's tuna taco

Speaking of innuendo, I'm guessing that's why this Paris Hilton post continues to get a constant stream of traffic. I'd hazard a guess and suggest that a majority of people that visit this post via a search result do so because they are not taking the title literally. Gee, they must be disappointed!

Number 5: How I stopped a bandwidth thief

This post could be considered my "community service" post. Probably one of the more useful things I've contributed to the web. A diamond in amongst a barrow full of gravel.

Number 4: Lindsay Lohan with massive camel toe

Another post with a title that should be read quite literally to prevent disappointment. This one features the starlet also dubbed "fire crotch" man handling an uber camel toe.

Number 3: Paris Hilton's camel toe

Proving that Swollen Pickles has corned the lucrative camel toe market, the third most popular post of 2007 features Ms Hilton and toe. This post has been a hit within the pervert community, but once again, the title should be taken literally.
Number 2:  Top 5 most inappropriate logo designs

Proving that the world lives a "top 5" list, the second most popular post of the year is just over a month old. This one has surged toward the top.

Number 1: Rollin' with Saget

There should be no underestimating of Bob Saget. Rollin' with Saget was the most popular post on Swollen Pickles for 2007 by a considerable margin. It's a catchy tune, and it's funny. Win-win.

So there you have it, the most popular SwollenPickles.com posts of 2007.  I wouldn't consider this a "best of Swollen Pickles", but I guess not everything need be exceptional quality in order to be popular! 

After a couple of weeks on Entrecard, I have built up enough credits to pick up an ad spot on JohnChow.com. This will be an interesting experiment to see how many visitors the ad spot will bring in.

My ad spot will be shown on his site on the 28th December 2007.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, SwollenPickles.com is running its very first competition... a piss weak competition, but a competition none the less.
I'll be giving away 50 Entrecard credits to the person that can correctly guess how many clicks my ad on JohnChow.com will get. Why 50 credits? Well that's pretty much all I'll have left after picking up the ad spot on his site, plus it's a nice clean number. With 50 credits you could pickup two days of advertising on SwollenPickles.com or you could save them up to advertise on a better site. The choice is yours.

To enter, on your own blog, post the number of clicks you think SwollenPickles.com will receive when the widget is displayed on JohnChow.com. For example, create a post on your blog that lets people know about this competition, and post your best guess. Here's the sort of thing I'm expecting:

"I think Swollen Pickles will get 2 clicks from his JohnChow.com Entrecard ad spot".

Once you've posted, send me a trackback, or leave a comment on this post, to let me know that you have entered. Entries close on the 30 December 2007.

Once the 24 hour advertising period is over, and the stats are in, I will post the click results and forward the 50 Entrecard credits to the winner. In the case of a draw, I'll put the names into a hat, and draw the winner at random. How exciting! Only 2 and a bit days to go!

Ever since AuctionAds started to perform less than favorably for me, I've been looking for an alternative. A while ago I received an email inviting me to join up to ShoppingAds beta.

If you scroll down this post you'll see an example of one of the 250 x 250 ShoppingAds adblocks in action.

First impressions are that it looks quite similar to AuctionAds in terms of the way products are displayed. The big difference is, that rather than being paid upon an action, ShoppingAds uses a pay per click system. To be honest, I've only used ShoppingAds very sparingly on this blog, but to give you an idea of their potential, they seem to be bringing in $0.26 per click.

There's a $50 minimum payout, which is a bit of a downer, but on the plus side, they payout via paypal. There's no limit to the number of ad blocks you can have on a page either. I'm only guessing, but I'd say ShoppingAds would perform best on niche sites, and there seems to be a lot of tech related products in their system.

ShoppingAds also have an affiliate program.

If a user clicks on the "Ads by ShoppingAds" link and signs up for our service, you earn 5% of all revenue generated by that user for the first 6 months.

It's not commission for life, but it's better than nothing. If you're feeling kind, sign up using my affiliate link (note: you'll need to use my invitation code to sign up. The code is "betaluck").

Whether it's better or worse than AuctionAds in the long term remains to be seen, but based on early results, the ShoppingAds Click Through Rate is atrocious. To be honest, based on my experience so far, ShoppingAds are no better than AuctionAds. In my opinion there are far stronger programs available at the moment, WidgetBucks is one example.

Dear World,

Merry Christmas and/or Merry whatever else it is you choose to celebrate at this time of year.

Right now I'm on holiday, so, thanks to the marvels of modern science and technology, this post was written five days ago. Trippy stuff kids! It is now lunch time, so I'm probably stuffing my face full of an assortment of holiday foods.

What ever you are doing, have fun, stay safe and play nice!

Best wishes for A Very Brady Christmas,

Swollen Pickles

p.s. Here's a picture of a Christmas pug.

If you are scratching your head trying to come up with some last minute gift ideas, then maybe it's time you considered books! You remember those? Before the internet, people used to read these things called books. Words printed on paper and bound together? Anyway, in a tribute to old style books (particularly Golden Books - remember those?), here are the top 6 inappropriate childrens books. (more...)

I have to apologise. I haven't been big on the Christmas humour this year. Yes, there have been quite a few Christmas emails doing the rounds, but unfortunately, most of them have made the "made me laugh" grade. The attached did manage to amuse me somewhat though.

Imagine for a second, that Santa Claus and his whole gift giving operation was run by public servants. I know what you're thinking, there's no way Santa would align himself with public servants, but this whole thing asks you to suspend your disbelief for a little while. So Santa's operation is run by public servants, as a result, most of his activities have been outsourced. This changes everything. Letters to Santa are no longer welcome. Instead kids need to fill out and submit the attached form. Ahh... is it funny cos it's just funny, or is it funny cos it's true? Ho ho ho biatches!