I think it's about time that they start teaching 'toilet etiquette' in schools. Clearly it has taken a back seat of late, and this can only been a bad thing. In the past 12 months there has been a noticeable decrease in the standard of toilet etiquette displayed in the workplace. I have no scientific evidence to back this up, other than my anecdotal expert testimony. In the past month alone, I have been witness to some horrific workplace bathroom behavior, although in some cases I've only observed the aftermath. Allow me to outline some of these atrocities.

Discovering a 'fur ball' causing a blockage in the urinal. The offending 'fur ball' was of the short and curly variety, if you catch my drift, and was of sufficient volume to suggest that someone had been doing some routine downstairs maintenance. Firstly, I'd like to remind people that the workplace urinal is not the right place to be 'mowing the lawn' and secondly, if you insist on running the mower over, please remember to dispose of the lawn clippings thoughtfully!

A deuce shared is a deuce halved. Let's just say, if your dropping some friends off at the pool, please make sure all your homies hit the water. You really don't want to leave any of them stranded on the edge of the pool. Am I being too cryptic? How about this... if you are so lacking in coordination that you end up crapping on the seat, make damn sure you give the affected area a good wipe down, or if that's too much for you, at least have the decency to call in a "Hazmat" team! In reality, most guys can overlook the occasional alligator trail, but if the alligator has surfaced from the deep in preparation for an attack, then that's going to be a problem.

The third and final atrocity I have encountered within the inner sanctum of the male facilities this month is fielding mobile phone calls whilst perched on the can. If your pinching a loaf and the phone rings, don't answer it, and if it's your wife, don't engage in a conversation about that nights dinner. I would also like to add that dropping a deuce isn't the time to be checking your voice mail messages either, particularly if the volume of your phone is loud enough to be heard by anyone within a 10 foot radius.

Yes, I can accept we are living in a fast paced society, but I'm not willing to accept that as an excuse for the decline in basic toilet etiquette. If the decline continues at this rate, it won't be long before people start bypassing the bowl altogether. Do you really want to live in a world where it is acceptable to "lay some cable" without leaving their desk? It's time to take action now, before it's too late. Do you bit to raise awareness of Toilet Etiquette issues. Don't let the standard of bathroom behavior continue to slide down the 'S' bend. Don't let the bathroom vanities of the world become a war zone!