The original 300 script
Well, anyone that has seen the movie 300 knows that it looks pretty good. But upon reflection, you have also probably arrived at the conclusion that the story line could be summarised quite easily on the back of a postage stamp. With this in mind, my global correspondent Bean Bag Boy has forwarded me an abridged version of the 300 script. I post it here for your reading pleasure.
300: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPTâ„¢
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
EXT. SPARTA
PERSIAN MESSENGER PETER MENSAH approaches SPARTA and demands to see the king, GERARD BUTLER.
PETER MENSAH
I am a messenger for Rodrigo Santoro. He wants a gift of water and earth from you as a sign that you fall under his rule.
GERARD BUTLER
The men and women of Sparta submit to no ruler.
PETER MENSAH
But they all submit to you. You're their king. And you submit to a bunch of inbred priests that talk to gods.
GERARD BUTLER
I shall kill you where you stand for pointing out how silly the premise is!
PETER MENSAH
Whoa, hold on. You're going to kill a messenger? For basically insulting your pride? We've already established we kill newborn babies if they don't look great - killing messengers because your dick is small won't exactly get the audience on our side.
GERARD BUTLER
Um, it's for FREEDOM.
PETER MENSAH
Oh, well if you're going to use the word "freedom" then that changes everything. Clearly you're the good guys now.
GERARD kills the PERSIANS, sentencing his people to fight a battle they cannot win. This is HEROIC, rather than JUVENILE.
EXT. HOT GATES
GERARD BUTLER, DAVID WENHAM, VINCENT REGAN, and 297 EXTRAS PISSED OFF THEY SPENT SO MUCH TIME IN THE GYM ONLY TO GET A NON-SPEAKING PART all watch as the invading army of CGI invaders renders itself closer and closer.
Suddenly, a MUTANT ANDREW TIERNAN appoaches.
MUTANT ANDREW TIERNAN
Gerard, let me fight by your side. All I ever get are sh!t parts on TV shows. I'm finally in a movie, please give me some screen time.
GERARD BUTLER
No. Even though you know about a secret passage that will allow the Persians to defeat us, I've decided once again that my pride is more important than my intelligence. f**k off.
MUTANT ANDREW TIERNAN
Geeze, what a dick. You're sure you're the good guys in this story?
GERARD BUTLER
Freedom!
DAVID WENHAM
Freedom, f**k yeah!
VINCENT REGAN
Freedom is good! And since we use the word freedom, it means we embrace it! Freedom freedom!
A METRIC f**kTON of PERSIANS attack, but they are killed. The scenes go in and out of slow-motion stylistically as pixelated blood decorates the fake landscape.
VINCENT REGAN
If video game makers are trying so hard to make their games "look like movies" why are we trying so hard to make our movie look like a video game?
GERARD BUTLER
We're going for the "brainless thick-headed macho asshole" demographic
DAVID WENHAM
Have you seen our costumes? I'm pretty sure we're going for the "closeted homosexual" demographic.
After some more violence, RODRIGO SANTORO decides to talk
RODRIGO SANTORO
Bow before me, your new god. I have divine powers, and I shall spare you if you submit to me.
GERARD BUTLER
We will never embrace your silly mysticism. We much prefer our own, with all the inbred mutant guys at the top of the mountain and the naked oracle chick.
RODRIGO SANTORO
You will pay for this! I will burn all Greek writings! Nobody will ever know you existed!
GERARD BUTLER
Greek? I'm Greek? Why the f**k have I been doing a Scottish accent for the entire movie?
RODRIGO SANTORO
For that matter, why are most of my Persian fighters caucasian?
Predictably, MUTANT ANDREW TIERNAN tells RODRIGO about the secret passage. Persians surround the Spartans. There is some more fighting as the audience is doused with TESTOSTERONE.
VINCENT REGAN
(dying)
Man, this whole plan was really, really stupid.
GERARD BUTLER
(dying)
Freedom!
VINCENT REGAN
Did I say stupid? I meant brave and inspirational! Freedom!
END
Copyright 2007 Rod Hilton. All Rights Reserved. This document may be reproduced verbatim (allowing censorship and translation) as long as the author's name is preserved and this notice is either preserved or referenced.
(10 votes, average: 4.6 out of 5)
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grunt grunt grunt free us grunt grunt grunt … this script could double as the script for ‘debbie does dallas 69′
Bean Bag Boy has forwarded me an abridged version of the 300 script. I post it here for your reading pleasure.
- I notice no one has left a comment, they probably got two lines into it and thought to themselves “what a couple of losers”. I know I did.
Are you calling Bean Bag Boy a loser??? I might be a loser, but Bean Bag Boy most definitely isn’t! Moll!
Actually, I’m interested to know, how did you find this page in the first place? Google search for camel toe? Are you one of the 0.00001% of the population that thought the 300 plot was ‘deep’?
0.00034% of people say Swollen Pickles rocks!
Man, I avoided reading this post because I thought it was the actual script… lol now i’m glad i clicked it!
i enjoyed the pun in “all watch as the invading army of CGI invaders renders itself closer and closer.”
renders! lol
well tbh i think that taking the piss out of a slash action film for a poor plot is like asking fisher price why there MyFirst Computer laptops dont have more challenging puzzles on them
your both immature and ignorant at the same time
omg titanic IMO was rubbish because it was called titanic when it should have been called “sod the ship we’re in love”
300 in my oppinion was a great film to watch and i thoroughly enjoyed it
it is directed extremely well and the awesome battle scenes are second to none
but i know lets take the piss out of a legendary story because we dont have anything better to do
it is after all based on a”true” story and is a big part of greek history
all be it legend or in fact gospel
if the big swords scared you then go watch bambi you will love the plot in that
Thank you for your informed and mature feedback James. We can clearly learn a lot from you.
Yes 300 was well filmed in a highly stylised CGI kind of way, but I’m not sure you’d find too many people praising the plot or dialogue.
I’m not sure that the action was ’second to none’ but I will say that 300 featured the highest number of half naked, baby oil covered men that I’ve ever seen.
i do hope your not being sarcastic
you dont watch films like 300 for a deep and moving storyline
i think to slag it off for poor plot and dialogue is very immature
and tbh to make references about there costumes for the film is also pointless as i dont think snyder designed their uniforms as they are the typical uniforms of the spartan hoplite soldiers of that era
i suppose i am on the wrong website if i am expecting educated,well formed oppinions
you lot take care now
For the record, I gave the movie a 3 out of 5. It wasn’t brilliant, didn’t live up to the hype, but it was entertaining enough for a popcorn movie.
I’m not sure why you watch movies, but I watch them to be entertained and feel engaged. Without a a plot or decent dialogue it’s hard to tick both those boxes.
I don’t believe 300 was an historically accurate depiction of events, and I don’t think there’d be many that would disagree. The movie was basically a shot for shot adaptation of the Frank Miller comic, which in itself has been questioned in terms of its depiction of the Spartans. Leonidas’ denigrates the Athenians as being “boy lovers” in both the film and graphic novel, which is interesting given the documented accounts of Spartan’s championing ‘man-boy love’.
Furthermore Zack Snyder added additional sub-plots to beef up the story a little more, for example, the Queen rallying support for the Spartans at home.
I’m also not sure that the uniform was typical hoplite uniform, as from what I’ve read they wore breastplates and other odds and ends with the total weight of their armour believed to be between 22-27kgs. A loin cloth and cape weigh far less that 22 kgs.
As a movie, 300 was average. As an historically accurate depiction of events, I think it’s highly questionable. Why you’re so keen to defend this film? I’m not so sure, are you Frank Miller?
not at all
i just think to ridicule a good film is a stupid way to put your point across
there were many forms of hoplite armor
and at some stage they did wear breastplates
but not always
i did not praise the story i just said it was based on a true story
and during any battle in history
do you think there was much dialect ?
i enjoyed the film and thought all in all it was very good
they did alot with what they had to work with
as you say “a shallow story”
just dont see why the p**s taking is necessary thats all
although
i really appreciate that you have gone and done your homework with that last response
it would seam you were correct on the “boy-lovers” thing too
i myself see nothing wrong with picking at a film for genuine mistakes like that
but you cant do much to that kind of a historic story in terms of beefing it up for depth
so ripping it for a poor story line is a cheap shot
by all means take the P**s out of the fact that after the first rain of arrows they get shot at them after pushing the persians off the cliff
that leonidas snaps the arrows with his spear yet in the next scene there are only holes in his shield
things like that cheese me off
but at least they can be justified eh ?
just my two pennies
and genuinely i am thankful for your better views on the film
and appreciate and respect your oppinion
300 is the best film ever. we know it’s fake, but ya knoww we cant date back 2 and a half thousand years or whatever, so leave it out mate, it’s inspiring and epic.
don’t write off a sick film
wtf? i wanted the script, not some dumass trying to be clever! wtf? who’s idea of a joke is this, cos they onviously dont know th emeaning of funny. if your going to put this shit up, name it ‘the 300 script which has been fucked about with.’
If you want the original script go buy the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller.
what the hell??? I’m looking for the real script for a drama project. Do you know where the actual original sciript? Every time I search, this page pops up.
You shouldn’t have named it the “original 300 script”
K thnx
Brilliant movie, brilliant abridged script! I thoroughly enjoyed both.
whata joke. you fools. jealously can make people do funny things
So can stupidity.
this is not the original script of the movie…….it more of a story telling. please, somebody help me get the original script.
I’ll say it again, you want the original script, just pick up the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller. The storyline is basically the same as the one in the movie, plus it has pictures.
real mature.
I’m getting SOMEone doesn’t get any….jealousy clearly eats at the author of this page
*guessing
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