Category: Movie Reviews

After seeing the new Incredible Hulk movie I'm glad to report that it went a long way toward righting the wrongs committed by the 2003 Ang Lee atrocity. Edward Norton was excellent as Bruce Banner, and a much better fit for the character than Eric Bana was. Banner is weedy, vulnerable, but underneath it all, you can tell he's got some hardcore repressed anger issues.

The story starts with Banner on the run, and hiding from the US military, and trying to find a cure for his little problem. It's not long before he's tracked down, and following a tussle with some crack special forces, including ring in Tim Roth, Banner Hulk's up, busts loose and head for home. » Read the rest of the entry..

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has copped its fair share of flak since its release. With that in mind, I was more than a little nervous when I took my seat in the darkened cinema. I'm happy to report, that my apprehension and nervousness was misplaced.

Contrary to what I'd read, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was not all that bad. At the risk of being declared a heretic, I'd rank it as number 3 in the list of Indiana Jones films, ahead of Temple of Doom, but behind The Last Crusade and my personal favourite Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull follows Indiana Jones in the year 1957. He's a little older, but basically still getting into the same sort of trouble since we last saw him in action. This time, rather than be pursued by the Nazi's, it is the Russian's that are on his tale, in pursuit of the mythical crystal skull that may or may not have been discovered by one of Indy's long lost buddies. The story begins in Area 51, and yes, it is more than hinted that aliens are going to be involved from the very beginning. » Read the rest of the entry..

Call me a snob, but it is very rare for me to sit down and watch a "straight to DVD" movie. I've been burnt too many times in the past. This time around it was the promise of zombies that got me to give the "Day of the Dead" remake a chance. The fact it starred a couple of unrecognizable names (Mena Suvari and Ving Rhames) also gave it some promise.

Oh how I regret putting this film into the DVD player. Whilst referred to as a remake, the 2008 Day of the Dead shares next to nothing in common with the 1985 George Romero original. Where as the original followed the story of a group of survivors hiding away in an underground military installation while learning what they can about the zombie plague, the remake is pure teen horror pulp. Mena Suvari is a military officer called back to her home town to help quarantine the area after an out break of the 'flu'. Turns out, it's not the flu, but something more sinister, that eventually starts turning people into zombies. Ving Rhames plays a higher ranking officer, with his character in no way connected to his character from the Dawn of the Dead remake.

The movie quickly dissolves into an excuse for Mena Survari to run around town, shooting zombies, before finally making her way to an underground military base toward the end of the film, finding the source of the 'virus', killing a few more zombies, and then skipping town with a couple of other survivors.

This movie was rubbish. Looks like it was filmed over three days on a shoe string budget. Yes, Mena Survari is cute, but that can only get a movie so far. The only similarities between the remake and the original are that both films feature zombies, and both films include an underground military base.

I'll give it a whopping 0.5 pickles out of 5. Avoid it like a zombie plague.

I went into Iron Man on the weekend with low expectations. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Iron Man or the Tony Stark character, and I also have trouble watching Robert Downey Jnr. My one hope with Iron Man, was that I would not walk out of the cinema as disappointed as I had been after seeing Ghost Rider. Fortunately, Iron Man exceeded my low expectations.

Iron Man is very much an 'origin' type movie. It goes about introducing characters and back story, and in many ways sets up everything required for numerous sequels. Think the first Spider-man film or Batman Begins. It's perfect for those with no prior knowledge of the character, and works as a big dumb action movie you can sit through whilst eating a whole bucket of popcorn or wheel of cheese.

If I were to break the plot down into bite size chunks, it'd go as follows:

  • Millionaire weapons developer, Tony Stark is kidnapped by terrorists (or his customers);
  • Tony Stark develops the first version of the Iron Man costume to escape from captivity;
  • Following escape, Tony Stark realises he's not cut out for the weapons business so decides to help people... by building the Iron Man armour, that is later described as the worlds ultimate weapon;
  • Stark struggles with the threat of a hostile takeover within his company as well as growing sexual tension with his assistant, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow);
  • Stark's company goes on selling weapons behind his back, and begin developing an Iron Man armour of there own, based on the first version Stark used to escape;
  • Big explosions, some fighting, and Iron Man vs. some kind of bigger Iron Dude; and
  • Ending that leaves things wide open for a sequel.
  • Iron Man was an enjoyable movie. Good if you're not in the mood for too much thinking, and just want to see action and stuff blowing up. I'd give it a solid 3.5 out of 5.

    In other comic book related news, check out the latest trailer for the Dark Knight movie. I watched this, and then had to have a little sit down. If this doesn't get you harder than a diamond in a snow storm, then nothing will... July 17...

    First, let me begin by saying that Will Ferrell is the balls. Now with that out of way, let me describe the movie just a little bit, before I give it a score out of five, and then post a couple of related Will Ferrell clips.

    Semi-Pro is based on the semi-true story of ABA basketball team, the Flint Tropics, and the teams owner and former soul singing sensation, Jackie Moon. Jackie Moon, is owner, player, coach and promoter of the bottom placed team in the ABA. With the threat of a league merger hanging over his head, Jackie trades a washing machine for a washed up, soon to be retired, has been, played by Woody Harrelson.

    It's not long before the struggling squad starts to win, and start drawing a crowd. Will they win? Will they make the NBA cut? Well... who really cares. To be honest the plot isn't the reason you'd go to see this film. If you were to write down the major plot points you'd see that it's a paint by numbers sporting under dog story. The reason you'll see this film is Will Ferrell.

    Ferrell throws out line after line, so many in fact, that it's impossible for a few not to hit the target. When he's on screen, the film is a riot. When he's not however, things get a little bogged down, and a touch serious, particularly the scenes with Woody and his love interest.

    I'd suggest that if you liked Anchorman, Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights, then you'll get a good laugh out of Semi-Pro. Where would it rank compared to those three? I'd sit it between Talladega Nights and Blades of Glory.

    Overall, this movie is at it's best when it's not taking itself too seriously. Overall I'd give it 3.75/5. It's not quite a 4, but deserves more than a 3.5.

    If you're interested, here's the trailer for the film. I love the bear fight.

    Now if you want some more Jackie Moon, check him out here, promoting Old Spice.

    Rambo IV (or John Rambo) is the latest in the Rambo franchise starring Sylvester Stallone. John Rambo is a Vietnam War veteran that, in his four movies, has probably killed more people than Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris and Pee-Wee Herman combined. Rambo is not known for deep Shakespearian dialogue. He communicates mostly through a series of mumbled grunts. Rambo is a man of action.

    In Rambo IV, Rambo is living out a meagre existence in Thailand, trapping snakes and fishing. He's a simple man, with simple needs, and from first impressions, he no longer needs to kill bad guys to get through the day. That all changes, obviously, when he is hired to take some missionaries into war torn Burma. The missionaries are setting out to do some good, whilst Rambo thinks the only thing they achieve is a bloody death. Unfortunately for the missionaries, Rambo is rarely wrong.

    Rambo dumps the missionaries in Burma and heads back down the river to Thailand. Upon his return he finds that the missionaries have gone missing and is hired by their church to go in and bring them back. So off Rambo trots, with mercenaries in tow. From here on in, there is some fairly extreme violence, where Rambo and friends take on most of the Burmese army. The movie then lurches on to its predictable conclusion.

    Make no mistake, Rambo IV is a bloody film not for the squeamish. There are beheadings, exploding heads, disembowelments, exploding bodies, limb removals, and people being fed to the pigs. At times it is a little hard to take. But perhaps that was Stallone's point, as if nothing else, it shines a spotlight on a conflict that is perhaps not all that well known or understood.

    As a movie, and entertainment, Rambo IV is average at best. It's predictable, and at time plodding. It seemed to go much longer than it's relatively short running time. Stallone keeps his shirt on for the entire movie, which I found to be a blessing. The brutality involved in some scenes makes this a film hard to enjoy, and the plot is very much based on the basic connect the dots style, that the film neither works as a mindless popcorn action movie, nor a serious dramatic depiction of war.

    For the statistics boffins, Rambo IV holds the record for most "kills" out of the entire Rambo series, with 236 total "kills" at an average of 2.59 "kills" per minute. This is a big increase from Rambo III which featured 132 "kills" at 1.30 "kills" per minute. For those of you that are into numbers, here's a statistical comparison of the four Rambo movies.

    Rambo Movies Statistics

    What conclusions do I draw from this table? I would suggest that the bottom line explains why Rambo is such a violent guy. Psychologists may argue that he just needs to relax, find a good woman and get laid or something.

    Overall, I'd give Rambo IV 1.5 out of 5 pickles.

    A million people have probably said it a million times better than I can, but just in case it hasn't been made clear to you yet, the film 'Juno' is brilliant.

    Juno is the story of a sixteen year old girl, Juno, played by Ellen Page (Shadowcat/Kitty Pryde from X-Men 3), who discovers that she is pregnant following an evening of "sexual intercourse" with her best friend Bleeker, played by Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development).

    After overcoming the initial feelings of disbelief, Juno decides she will have an abortion. She quickly changes her mind when she bumps into a class mate, and pro-life protester, out front of the abortion clinic, and learns that her unborn child may already have fingernails. After consulting with her cheerleader friend, Leah (who has an unhealthy fascination for school teachers), Juno decides to put her baby up for adoption.

    When confronted with the news, Juno's father and step mother are surprised that a) their Juno Movie Posterdaughter is pregnant and b) she'd had "sexual intercourse" with Bleeker. After getting over his initial desire to go an "punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner", Juno dad is quite supportive, as is her step mother. The relationship between Juno and her father and step mother is a highlight of the film. Typical Holywood teen pregnancy cliches are kept to an absolute minimum.

    Responding to an ad in the local 'Penny Saver', Juno meets Mark and Vanessa (played by Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner). An odd relationship forms between Juno and the expectant parents, Mark in particular. As the day of the birth draws closer, all sorts of relationship based tension begins to build. Will Juno be able to give up her child? Will Juno hook up with Mark? Will Bleeker get another chance with Juno? Will I be able to stop laughing at the "pork sword" line? So many questions.

    I believe that the word "quirky" was created in order for me to describe the movie Juno. It's a comedy, with tinges of drama, however it never goes down the path of predictability. Ellen Page is brilliant as Juno, firing off sharp tongued barbs like a ninja tossing ninja stars. There are a lot of laugh out loud moments in this film and the dialogue throughout the movie is solid gold.

    Overall, Juno is an awesome 'feel good' comedy, that deals with some serious issues in an entertaining way. I have no problems at all in awarding this movie the highest Swollen Pickles accolade, I give it 5 pickles out of 5.