Category: Movie Reviews

Call me a snob, but it is very rare for me to sit down and watch a "straight to DVD" movie. I've been burnt too many times in the past. This time around it was the promise of zombies that got me to give the "Day of the Dead" remake a chance. The fact it starred a couple of unrecognizable names (Mena Suvari and Ving Rhames) also gave it some promise.

Oh how I regret putting this film into the DVD player. Whilst referred to as a remake, the 2008 Day of the Dead shares next to nothing in common with the 1985 George Romero original. Where as the original followed the story of a group of survivors hiding away in an underground military installation while learning what they can about the zombie plague, the remake is pure teen horror pulp. Mena Suvari is a military officer called back to her home town to help quarantine the area after an out break of the 'flu'. Turns out, it's not the flu, but something more sinister, that eventually starts turning people into zombies. Ving Rhames plays a higher ranking officer, with his character in no way connected to his character from the Dawn of the Dead remake.

The movie quickly dissolves into an excuse for Mena Survari to run around town, shooting zombies, before finally making her way to an underground military base toward the end of the film, finding the source of the 'virus', killing a few more zombies, and then skipping town with a couple of other survivors.

This movie was rubbish. Looks like it was filmed over three days on a shoe string budget. Yes, Mena Survari is cute, but that can only get a movie so far. The only similarities between the remake and the original are that both films feature zombies, and both films include an underground military base.

I'll give it a whopping 0.5 pickles out of 5. Avoid it like a zombie plague.

I went into Iron Man on the weekend with low expectations. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Iron Man or the Tony Stark character, and I also have trouble watching Robert Downey Jnr. My one hope with Iron Man, was that I would not walk out of the cinema as disappointed as I had been after seeing Ghost Rider. Fortunately, Iron Man exceeded my low expectations.

Iron Man is very much an 'origin' type movie. It goes about introducing characters and back story, and in many ways sets up everything required for numerous sequels. Think the first Spider-man film or Batman Begins. It's perfect for those with no prior knowledge of the character, and works as a big dumb action movie you can sit through whilst eating a whole bucket of popcorn or wheel of cheese.

If I were to break the plot down into bite size chunks, it'd go as follows:

  • Millionaire weapons developer, Tony Stark is kidnapped by terrorists (or his customers);
  • Tony Stark develops the first version of the Iron Man costume to escape from captivity;
  • Following escape, Tony Stark realises he's not cut out for the weapons business so decides to help people... by building the Iron Man armour, that is later described as the worlds ultimate weapon;
  • Stark struggles with the threat of a hostile takeover within his company as well as growing sexual tension with his assistant, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow);
  • Stark's company goes on selling weapons behind his back, and begin developing an Iron Man armour of there own, based on the first version Stark used to escape;
  • Big explosions, some fighting, and Iron Man vs. some kind of bigger Iron Dude; and
  • Ending that leaves things wide open for a sequel.
  • Iron Man was an enjoyable movie. Good if you're not in the mood for too much thinking, and just want to see action and stuff blowing up. I'd give it a solid 3.5 out of 5.

    In other comic book related news, check out the latest trailer for the Dark Knight movie. I watched this, and then had to have a little sit down. If this doesn't get you harder than a diamond in a snow storm, then nothing will... July 17...

    First, let me begin by saying that Will Ferrell is the balls. Now with that out of way, let me describe the movie just a little bit, before I give it a score out of five, and then post a couple of related Will Ferrell clips.

    Semi-Pro is based on the semi-true story of ABA basketball team, the Flint Tropics, and the teams owner and former soul singing sensation, Jackie Moon. Jackie Moon, is owner, player, coach and promoter of the bottom placed team in the ABA. With the threat of a league merger hanging over his head, Jackie trades a washing machine for a washed up, soon to be retired, has been, played by Woody Harrelson.

    It's not long before the struggling squad starts to win, and start drawing a crowd. Will they win? Will they make the NBA cut? Well... who really cares. To be honest the plot isn't the reason you'd go to see this film. If you were to write down the major plot points you'd see that it's a paint by numbers sporting under dog story. The reason you'll see this film is Will Ferrell.

    Ferrell throws out line after line, so many in fact, that it's impossible for a few not to hit the target. When he's on screen, the film is a riot. When he's not however, things get a little bogged down, and a touch serious, particularly the scenes with Woody and his love interest.

    I'd suggest that if you liked Anchorman, Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights, then you'll get a good laugh out of Semi-Pro. Where would it rank compared to those three? I'd sit it between Talladega Nights and Blades of Glory.

    Overall, this movie is at it's best when it's not taking itself too seriously. Overall I'd give it 3.75/5. It's not quite a 4, but deserves more than a 3.5.

    If you're interested, here's the trailer for the film. I love the bear fight.

    Now if you want some more Jackie Moon, check him out here, promoting Old Spice.

    Rambo IV (or John Rambo) is the latest in the Rambo franchise starring Sylvester Stallone. John Rambo is a Vietnam War veteran that, in his four movies, has probably killed more people than Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris and Pee-Wee Herman combined. Rambo is not known for deep Shakespearian dialogue. He communicates mostly through a series of mumbled grunts. Rambo is a man of action.

    In Rambo IV, Rambo is living out a meagre existence in Thailand, trapping snakes and fishing. He's a simple man, with simple needs, and from first impressions, he no longer needs to kill bad guys to get through the day. That all changes, obviously, when he is hired to take some missionaries into war torn Burma. The missionaries are setting out to do some good, whilst Rambo thinks the only thing they achieve is a bloody death. Unfortunately for the missionaries, Rambo is rarely wrong.

    Rambo dumps the missionaries in Burma and heads back down the river to Thailand. Upon his return he finds that the missionaries have gone missing and is hired by their church to go in and bring them back. So off Rambo trots, with mercenaries in tow. From here on in, there is some fairly extreme violence, where Rambo and friends take on most of the Burmese army. The movie then lurches on to its predictable conclusion.

    Make no mistake, Rambo IV is a bloody film not for the squeamish. There are beheadings, exploding heads, disembowelments, exploding bodies, limb removals, and people being fed to the pigs. At times it is a little hard to take. But perhaps that was Stallone's point, as if nothing else, it shines a spotlight on a conflict that is perhaps not all that well known or understood.

    As a movie, and entertainment, Rambo IV is average at best. It's predictable, and at time plodding. It seemed to go much longer than it's relatively short running time. Stallone keeps his shirt on for the entire movie, which I found to be a blessing. The brutality involved in some scenes makes this a film hard to enjoy, and the plot is very much based on the basic connect the dots style, that the film neither works as a mindless popcorn action movie, nor a serious dramatic depiction of war.

    For the statistics boffins, Rambo IV holds the record for most "kills" out of the entire Rambo series, with 236 total "kills" at an average of 2.59 "kills" per minute. This is a big increase from Rambo III which featured 132 "kills" at 1.30 "kills" per minute. For those of you that are into numbers, here's a statistical comparison of the four Rambo movies.

    Rambo Movies Statistics

    What conclusions do I draw from this table? I would suggest that the bottom line explains why Rambo is such a violent guy. Psychologists may argue that he just needs to relax, find a good woman and get laid or something.

    Overall, I'd give Rambo IV 1.5 out of 5 pickles.

    A million people have probably said it a million times better than I can, but just in case it hasn't been made clear to you yet, the film 'Juno' is brilliant.

    Juno is the story of a sixteen year old girl, Juno, played by Ellen Page (Shadowcat/Kitty Pryde from X-Men 3), who discovers that she is pregnant following an evening of "sexual intercourse" with her best friend Bleeker, played by Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development).

    After overcoming the initial feelings of disbelief, Juno decides she will have an abortion. She quickly changes her mind when she bumps into a class mate, and pro-life protester, out front of the abortion clinic, and learns that her unborn child may already have fingernails. After consulting with her cheerleader friend, Leah (who has an unhealthy fascination for school teachers), Juno decides to put her baby up for adoption.

    When confronted with the news, Juno's father and step mother are surprised that a) their Juno Movie Posterdaughter is pregnant and b) she'd had "sexual intercourse" with Bleeker. After getting over his initial desire to go an "punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner", Juno dad is quite supportive, as is her step mother. The relationship between Juno and her father and step mother is a highlight of the film. Typical Holywood teen pregnancy cliches are kept to an absolute minimum.

    Responding to an ad in the local 'Penny Saver', Juno meets Mark and Vanessa (played by Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner). An odd relationship forms between Juno and the expectant parents, Mark in particular. As the day of the birth draws closer, all sorts of relationship based tension begins to build. Will Juno be able to give up her child? Will Juno hook up with Mark? Will Bleeker get another chance with Juno? Will I be able to stop laughing at the "pork sword" line? So many questions.

    I believe that the word "quirky" was created in order for me to describe the movie Juno. It's a comedy, with tinges of drama, however it never goes down the path of predictability. Ellen Page is brilliant as Juno, firing off sharp tongued barbs like a ninja tossing ninja stars. There are a lot of laugh out loud moments in this film and the dialogue throughout the movie is solid gold.

    Overall, Juno is an awesome 'feel good' comedy, that deals with some serious issues in an entertaining way. I have no problems at all in awarding this movie the highest Swollen Pickles accolade, I give it 5 pickles out of 5.

    I Am Legend. I've read the book, so it was time to see the movie. I have to say, it was the films preview that got me interested in the novel initially, and after reading the book, my expectations were high.

    In the film, Will Smith plays a virologist, Robert Neville, who believes that he is the only human alive on earth not infected by a man made plague. Throughout his solitude he is kept company by his dog, and is driven by a promise to his daughter to find a cure to the plague, and "make the monsters go away".

    Whilst Neville may, or may not, be the last man on earth, it is not to say he's all alone. Those people infected by the virus, have taken on the characteristics of a rabid dog. They are driven by a thirst for blood and have a violent aversion to sun light, but are not referred to as vampires.

    Interspersed throughout the film are flash backs to Nevilles life just prior to the mass spread of the virus. We meet his wife and daughter, and learn the dog that is his companion was left behind by his daughter to keep him safe. Very early on we also learn the virus was a mutation. In 2009 scientists believed they had found the cure for cancer. It was this cure that mutated and evolved into the plague, and it was Neville who worked for the army trying to stop the plague from spreading in the early days.

    So Neville's days are spent alone, attempting to find a way to reverse the effects of the plague, search for other survivors, as well as to survive himself. To say much more would spoil the last half of the movie, so I'll stop there!

    Obviously this movie was going to sink or swim based on the performance of Will Smith. For a majority of the film he is the only human in shot. Fortunately he does a bang up job or else I Am Legend could have been a stinker! This is a serious Will Smith, there is no Fresh Prince of Bel Air in sight!

    Effects wise the film is solid. Seeing New York uninhabited and overgrown is an awe inspiring sight, however this is let down somewhat by the look of the infected. They are convincing enough, but given the standard of a lot of the CGI stuff going around lately, I was a little let down.

    So, how does the film compare to the book? Interestingly, the film version, I Am Legend is the first of the three "adaptations" to adopt the novels title. With that aside though, there are a lot of differences between book and film, to such an extent that I'd suggest that it is a little unfair to call the film an adaptation of the novel.

    Key Differences:

    • The novel is set over a three year period in the late 1970's. Flashbacks aside, the film takes place in 2012.
    • In the novel, Robert Neville is an average guy. In the film he's an army trained virologist. Much of the novel is dedicated to Neville studying virology, and attempting to find the source of the virus, and his lack of formal training is a barrier he has to overcome. His study is dedicated to efficient ways of killing the infected as much as anything else. This then leads to questions of his own humanity, and in some ways he becomes a moral "grey area". Obviously, the film does away with all of that, we are told the source of the virus 2 minutes into the film, and Neville's focus is on a cure and saving the infected, he's the 'good guy'.
    • The novel draws comparisons to vampires very quickly, the infected can only be killed by sunlight or a stake through the heart. They have an aversion to garlic. The infected also retain some memories of their former life. They gather out the front of Nevilles house and his old neighbour chants his name. Neville spends his days hunting and killing infected while they sleep. In the film, the infected can be shot, and don't appear to speak. With the exception of the odd test subject, Neville doesn't actively hunt, largely because he wants to save them. This makes a big difference in terms of the survival element.
    • In the novel, Neville doesn't have a dog, he finds and befriends a stray toward the end of the story, but it dies after 2 weeks.
    • In the novel, there are the rabid infected, as well as the "still living". The "still living" are infected people who have developed a way of keeping the virus at bay. They still sleep during the day, but have retained some humanity. During the day Neville can't distinguish between the infected and the "still living" so he kills indiscriminately. This impacts heavily upon the ending of the novel. In the film, there are only infected, there are no "still living". Obviously this means that the last half of the film and novel have very little in common.

    In summary, whilst the initial set-up is the same, it does not take long for the novel and film to split off and head down different paths. The one other thing the book and film have in common is the basic premise of survival whilst posing a similar question, when a man loses everything, can he find a reason to go on living?

    Overall, the film was a good one. Will Smith puts in an excellent performance throughout. Yes, there are times when it gets a little bogged down, and the ending comes abruptly, but is still a cool film to watch. Check it out if you get the chance. I'm giving it 4 out of 5 pickles.

    I Am Legend 2008 DVD BRAND NEW I Am Legend 2008 DVD BRAND NEW Paypal 1 Bid US $2.99 2h 45m
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    I just got back from the New Years Day screening of Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (AvP-R), and I can tell you without a doubt that the cinema was an excellent way to beat the 40 degree heat today!

    Being a massive fan of both the Alien and Predator franchises', I had been itching to see AvP-R from the moment I first read news on it going into production. After seeing the first Alien vs. Predator film I felt as if there had been a whole lot of potential wasted. Whilst AvP was watchable, I'd hoped for a lot more. Fortunately AvP-R steps up to deliver what I'd hoped for.

    The film begins at the ending of the first film. The Predator ship sailing off into space when a face hugger/alien bursts from the chest of the Predator killed at the end of the first film. Mayhem ensues, one thing leads to another, and the space ship takes a nose dive toward earth, crashing outside a small town near Colorado. As the Aliens run free from the crashed vessel, a sole surviving Predator is able to transmit a distress signal to his home world before he is killed.

    On the Predator home world, a bad ass Predator packs his gear and head to earth. It is quickly established that he is the "Winston Wolf" type Predator, in that he travels to earth to clean up the mess the rookies have left behind. He hunts down Aliens, and removes the evidence, but before too long, the Alien numbers have increased, putting Wolf at a disadvantage.

    The first third of the movie, plays out like a standard survival film (think Dantes Peak), and builds up some of the human characters, whilst setting up for the action to come. The moment when the Predator/Alien hybrid and the Predator burst from the sewers onto the main street, signals the start of the real action.

    To be honest, this movie was always going to live or die based on the battles between the Aliens and the Predator. The human stuff was nice, but almost seemed to be on the peripheral of the main ass kicking.

    PredAlien vs Predator fight

    I liked AvP-R far more than AvP for a few reasons, but the main one was that the Predator was not a pushover. The Predators in AvP seemed to keel over and die a little to easily for my liking, whilst the Predator in AvP-R was able to take more punishment, as well as deliver it. AvP-R also ramped up the gore factor in comparison to the first film.The seeds for another sequel were planted at the end of the film, with Ms. Yutani making a brief appearance at the end, but I won't say any more than that.

    As a fan of both the Alien and Predator movies, it's hard to give this movie an unbiased rating. Never the less, I'll try. For fans of the Alien and Predator movies, I'd give this flick a 4 out of 5 pickles. For the average film goer, it's probably more like a 3 out of 5 pickles.

    As a side note, I kept an eye out for Leo Chiang, but given that the National Guard get slaughtered relatively quickly, I didn't have any luck spotting him. ;)