Swollen Pickles

The one thing I really love about looking after a website is checking out the visitors statistics. Since the dawn of the pickle, people have found many weird and unusual ways to make their way here, and to date, 2009 has proven to be no exception. Here are ten of the more bizarre search terms people have used to find SwollenPickles.com.

1. "why is mommy moaning book": I'm sure there are a number of potential answers to this question. Hopefully the 366 people that have arrived at Swollen Pickles as a result of typing it into a search engine have found the answer.

2. "tuna taco": I have to blame Paris Hilton for this one.

3. "screech sextape free": Ewwwww! So far I've disappointed 122 people this year. There's no Screech tape to be found here.

4. "my foot in your ass": Once again, ewwww!

5. "whale jizz": This term would be a result of this whale facts post, however, I'm not sure why any one, let alone 61 people, would be searching for this! Weird kink maybe.

6. "pickle porn": Ummm... different strokes for different blokes I guess.

7. "infected penis": Why??

8. "pimp goldfish shoes": These shoes are awesome.

9. "extinction of gingers": The impending ranga extinction is serious business, so I can understand why people where searching for this.

10. "stuff that makes you throw up": if you are looking for this stuff, please refer to search terms three through to seven.

It's common knowledge that World of Warcraft is crack for nerds, which is why this video is so LOL I think it caused me to LMAO. I actually think this scene may well have played out, somewhere out there in the real world. Pause for thought while I got AFK.

The Kanye West VMA's fiasco has raised the hackles of 99.9% of the worlds population. His treatment of Taylor Swift was not one of his smoother moves. I, myself, am no stranger to public humiliation, so I had a hard time not sympathizing with Ms Swift.

Kanye's out burst has made him some very powerful enemies. Number one on the list, Hitler. Here's what he had to say about the Kanye-gate affair.

"That stupid Kanye! That shit was uncalled for ... I just want to shave my moustache and wipe it on my ass and shove it down his nostrils."

Now I'm sure Kayne will be able to use all of the controversy on his next average album, people will buy it, and he'll get richer. But all that will not change the fact that he has pissed off Hitler, and that cannot be a good thing for anyone!

Happy in the knowledge that I've secured tickets to their only Melbourne show, which will also feature Ben Harper, I'm know eagerly awaiting the release of Pearl Jam's 9th studio album, Backspacer, due on the 20 September.

Here's a taster from the new album, with the video of the first single, the Fixer. I like it.

Every so often you'll stumble across something that is so disgusting that is makes you throw up in your mouth just a little bit. This happened to me on Friday, when someone sent me a video labeled as the biggest zit in the world. Against my better judgment I loaded that bad boy up. What I saw that day has since haunted my dreams. It is therefore, only fair for me to share my pain with the world.

Warning: Please do not eat cream cheese while watching this clip. Sweet holy mother of Fonzie it's disgusting...

The video led to many a conversation. "Is it a zit?"; "No, that's not a zit, it's a cyst"; "I don't care what it is, I just hurled a little". Finally though, "have you ever seen a clip of a human bot fly?"

No I had not, until I watched this...

Isn't the internet a beautiful, wondrous and educational thing?

If you are in, or around, Melbourne this weekend you may want to head down to Federation Square for the global launch of the latest driving game for the iPhone. Unlike a lot of iPhone applications doing the rounds at the moment, the CityGT game is available for free.

In what is being billed as a world first, the creators are giving people the opportunity to play the game live on the big screen at Federation Square. Ever wondered what it's like to play a video game on a 40ft wide-screen? Here's your chance to find out.

It's not often you get something for nothing these days, so I'd suggest that you take full advantage!

Here are the details (from the press release) for those who may be interested in giving it a closer look

The game was created by Melbourne-based advertising agency, JWT, and offers the best driving graphics available on the Apple iPhone for free.

Join the driving fun at the global launch of CityGT at Melbourne’s Federation Square on September 6th between 11.00am-2.00pm. Have a go at CityGT on an iPhone and show off your driving prowess by playing on the big screen.

Go to the City GT website to find out more about the game before it goes live, and then go to www.apple.com/iphone/apps-for-iphone/ from the 6th September 2009 to download the CityGT game for free.

Edit: A video of the game testing at Fed Square is now on YouTube.

I've been slack at maintaining the old pickle over the last few weeks. There's a lot of stuff I'd like to do with it, but not enough hours in the day. Yeah I'm busy, but it could be worse. I could be the Nasosus Machedonus, aka. the Proboscis Monkey, aka. the monkey with a penis nose.

Yup, 31 August is officially Proboscis Monkey Day. What sets the Proboscis Monkey apart from it's other Monkey cousins is its massive hooter.

"A distinctive trait of this monkey is the male's large protruding nose, from which it takes its name. The big nose is thought to be used to attract females and is a characteristic of the males, reaching up to 7 inches in length."

What is a proboscis? It's an elongated appendage from the head. Ewwww! Head appendage. So here we have a fun loving monkey with a 7 inch schlong for a nose. According to science, the schlong nose is a real turn on for the lady monkeys.

Unfortunately the Proboscis Monkey is on the endangered species list, which is quite sad, as this is one monkey with the potential to bring great joy to the world.